For Better or Worse
by XxStephXx
Summary: James and Lily are married though separated, James gets engaged to someone else, Lily comes back into his life. Lily knows she still loves him, he loves her too but is in denial
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1 

Lily Potter stood outside the ministry dreading having to go inside, well apparate inside. Today was the day she would finally have to face Him, her husband James. James had filed for divorce three days ago and now she had to go to a hearing to acknowledge this and decide whether she was going to cooperate and agree to a quick divorce or drag it through the courts for years. She still hadn't decided herself, should she let the man she still loved with all her heart go without a fight or should she put up a fight and have him hate her even more.

Lily and James had married a year after they left Hogwarts and then 3 years after that Lily had found out she was pregnant, but 4 months into the pregnancy she had suffered a miscarriage. This obviously hit both of them very hard. But instead of letting James help her through it, Lily had pulled away from him completely and blamed him for the miscarriage because he had been at work and she had had to changed the light bulb on the stairs of their home and she had fallen and lost the baby. The night she walked out on him she had screamed that he had murdered their baby that she could never be with him again much less love him.

Lily realised now, after months of therapy how wrong she had been to push James away, the only man she had ever loved, when all he did was try to support her, she couldn't see past her own grief to see that he was hurting too. Now a year later she had to face him again, after all the cruel things she had said to him.

Lily took a deep breath and mentally pulled herself together and apparated inside to face the music.

It was a plain room, with coffee and snacks on a small table at the door. In the centre of the room was a large brown table with James and his lawyer on one side and Lily's lawyer on the other side, at the end of the table was an arbitrator who would oversee the proceedings.

Lily was last to arrive, so everyone watched as she took her seat and poured herself a glass of water. She never looked at James, she knew she couldn't. She appeared to be cool, calm and collected as though she had no regrets but nothing could be further from the truth.

"Well now that everyone is present, we can begin," said the Arbitrator, "Mrs. Potter just so you know this is a preliminary hearing, to see if this matter can be solved amicably"

"I understand," said Lily calmly.

"Alright then, we'll begin. Counselor, grounds for divorce?" said the Arbitrator.

"Irreconcilable differences," said James' lawyer

"Yes I see that here, but what I don't see are the extenuating circumstances for me to grant a priority divorce"

Lily's head snapped up, this was news to her she didn't know James was in such a hurry.

"Well Mr. Potter is engaged to be married again and he and his fiancée have set the date for 3 months from today," said James' lawyer.

Lily's heart just stopped, he had found someone else. He was marrying someone else. A year later. He would be someone else's husband, he would kiss them goodnight and good morning, he would cook them breakfast in bed when they were ill. He would have children with someone else. Some other woman had made him happy.

Lily actually felt physical pain as the ache in her heart multiplied. She couldn't bear the images in her head of James and some blonde woman laughing and kissing and getting married….

"So what we wanted to discuss with Mrs. Potter…" said James' lawyer

"Ms Evans," Lily interrupted

"Pardon?" said James' lawyer.

"My name is Ms Evans"

"Oh right of course, anyway we wanted to discuss the division of the marital assets and any appropriate financial obligations," said James' lawyer

'Boy he must want a divorce bad if he's willing to pay me alimony' 

"We're willing to negotiate," said Lily's lawyer.

"No need," interrupted Lily, "I don't want anything, or any money, just draw up the papers and I'll sign them"

"Ms Evans I would strongly recommend…" started her lawyer

"I don't want anything," insisted Lily, "if he wants a divorce I'll give him a quick painless cheap divorce"

"Thank you," said James speaking up for the first time.

"No problem," said Lily then she got up and left without so much as looking at James.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"So how did it go?" Sirius asked James that night, they were in a bar waiting for Peter and Remus to arrive.

"Good, great in fact. She's going to sign the papers but the strange thing is…" said James.

"She won't take any money or anything," said Sirius who knew Lily pretty well.

"Yeah actually, isn't that weird," said James.

"No, you know Lily you should have known she wouldn't take anything not even if she's entitled or if it's hers"

"Honestly I don't know her at all anymore," said James.

"Oh here's Moony and Wormtail," said Sirius signaling over to them.

"Hey guys," said James when they came over.

"I need a beer," said Remus.

"Coming up," said Sirius who went over to the bar for another round of beers.

"Guess who's out on the dance floor," said Peter then he added, "Ow" when Remus kicked him.

"Who?" said James looking over to the dance floor.

That was when he saw her, Lily, she looked gorgeous. Her beautiful curly red hair was down and in loose curls. She was wearing an emerald dress the exact colour of her eyes, even though James couldn't see her eyes he knew exactly how they looked. Her dress showed off enough of her long, toned legs to be sexy without being slutty, and it cut low enough at the neck that you could see the top of a red lacy bra, but only if you looked close enough. Lily was dancing with a tall, handsome, dark haired man that James recognized as a fellow Auror. He suddenly felt a surge of jealousy how dare this guy dance with _his_ wife especially when she looked so… wow.

"Honey hi, I know this was meant to be a boys night out but I didn't think you'd mind if I gate crashed," James heard someone say.

He turned and saw it was his fiancée Lauren.

"What are you doing here? I told I was going out with the guys tonight," said James.

"I just said silly, I didn't think you'd mind if I came along, you don't do you?" said Lauren.

To tell the truth James did mind he hardly ever had time to bond with just his friends anymore, so every two weeks they set a night aside to have fun together just the four of them. Lily never minded.

"No, no of course not," said James.

"Good, oooo Sirius is at the bar I'll just go and give him my drink order," said Lauren.

"No it's alright sweetie I'll go and tell him," said James who was fully aware of the fact that Sirius couldn't stand Lauren.

"Thanks, just a Butterbeer," said Lauren.

James nodded and made his way to the bar where Sirius and coincidently where Lily was headed. By the time he had made it over to Sirius, Lily was perched on a bar stool next to Sirius.

"Hey, can you order a Butterbeer as well?" said James to Sirius desperate to avoid looking at Lily.

"You've got to be kidding me, she's here," said Sirius his disgust evident in his voice.

"Yeah," said James sheepishly.

"I don't know why you put up with her"

"She'll be my wife in 3 months," snapped James.

"Not if I have anything to say about it," said Sirius

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means I think you're making a big mistake just because Lily hurt you"

"You don't know what you're talking about"

"Don't I? Then how come you're not glaring at me but at the guy that's hitting on Lily right now"

Before James could think of a plausible excuse as to why he was indeed glaring at the guy currently hitting on her, Lily swiveled round.

"Did someone say my name?" she asked.

"Yeah, I was just saying how rude you haven't even danced with me yet?" said Sirius, he may have thought James was making a mistake but he was loyal.

"Sorry I haven't had a chance Roxi and Alice have been throwing guys at me all night," said Lily.

"And they haven't thought of setting us two up, well wait till I see them," said Sirius in a mock annoyed voice,

"Ugghhh why would they not think that we are the perfect couple," said Lily before she burst out laughing.

"Okay Flower we're not the perfect couple but I think I deserve a dance don't you?"

"I don't see why not, I need an excuse to get rid of this guy, he is not in control of his saliva," said Lily.

"Come on then, this can be our song," said Sirius then he turned to the guy who was hitting on Lily, "Back off she's taken. Jamesie take care of the drinks will you?"

"Sure," James said half heartedly as he watched Lily lead Sirius onto the dance floor.

James couldn't help but notice that that was the second time he had seen Lily that day and she still hadn't looked at him, maybe she still thought he was responsible for the miscarriage. He didn't have time to dwell on that, he noticed that on the dancefloor Sirius was pressing his body up against Lily in a way he did not appreciate in the least.

Later that night when James was lying next to a sleeping Lauren he was trying to rationalize why he felt jealous all night whenever a guy danced with Lily or touched her in any way, he came to the conclusion that it was because they had been through so much together he just didn't want to see her get hurt, it wasn't that he was still in love with her he had moved on months ago. He was getting married again and this time he would make things work, because he and Lauren were meant for each other.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

"Hurry up, we'll be late," Lauren shouted through to James.

"We still have ten minutes," James shouted back.

"Exactly, what are you wearing? It better be something smart"

"It's only coffee," grumbled James coming into the room wearing jeans and a casual blue shirt with the top 3 buttons open.

"Coffee with your mother," said Lauren, "I don't want her to think I let you go out looking scruffy"

"My mum knows what I like to wear she won't care," sighed James, Lauren assumed because his family was rich and mostly pureblood they were snobs as well.

"James will you please go and change, you should wear your stone trousers with the chocolate shirt and…"

"No, I'm not changing," snapped James, he didn't usually get irritated so easily but he had received a letter that morning saying his divorce papers were ready and he and Lily had to go in and sign them tomorrow morning.

"James please go and change," said Lauren firmly.

"No," he snapped, "Now are you coming or not?"

"James," said Lauren shocked by how harsh he was being.

"Fine I'll go myself,"

"James, yes I'm coming, I'm going to be your wife I have to meet your mother"

"Fine, sorry for snapping," said James feeling bad that he was taking his troubles out on Lauren.

"It's alright, I know your under a lot of stress with work and the wedding," said Lauren.

_'Lily never tried to make excuses for me being an asshole she just shouted right back at me, though I never shouted at her…Stop it Lauren's going to be your wife now not Lily'_

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Gloria and David Potter were waiting in the coffee shop when Lauren and James apparated there.

"James over here," Gloria shouted.

"Hi mum," said James going over and hugging his mother.

"Hi dear"

"Hi dad," said James sliding into the booth.

"Hi," said David

"And this must be Lauren," said Gloria.

"Hello Mrs Potter, it's lovely to meet you," said Lauren in an overly cheerful voice.

"Hello dear, it's nice to meet you too," said Gloria, "this is my husband David"

"Hi," said David.

"Hello, I've heard all about you both from James," said Lauren.

"Hmmm funny we haven't heard all that much about you," said Gloria, James shot her a look.

Then they heard the sound of a group of people entering the coffee shop, James looked up it was Lily and her friends. What could be worse than your ex wife showing up when your parents are meeting your fiancée for the first time.

"Lily," Gloria shouted getting up

"Mum," James groaned but it was too late she was already over to where Lily was.

"Gloria hi," said Lily who always got on with Mrs Potter and thought of her as almost a surrogate mother.

"Hi, I didn't know you were back in town," said Gloria hugging Lily.

"Didn't James tell you?" asked Lily when they pulled away.

"Tell me what?"

"He filed for divorce I had to come back," said Lily.

"He what? Why did he do that?"

"Well we have been separated for almost a year and he's getting married in 10 weeks," said Lily.

"WHAT?" Gloria shouted she didn't even know James and Lauren were engaged, "JAMES"

James' head snapped up and he knew Lily had spilled the beans to his mother. He sighed got up and went over to them.

"Are you engaged to that woman?" Gloria hissed pointing violently to Lauren.

"Sorry I didn't know," said Lily apologetically.

"It's alright," said James again noticing Lily didn't look directly at him, "Mum I was going to tell you"

"When? You didn't even tell me you filed for divorce"

"Because I knew you won't like it," said James.

"You're damn right I don't like it, I don't see why you two separated, you could have tried again for a baby or adopted it didn't have to come to separation," said Gloria.

"It was more complicated than that, we were young and I was really messed up. There nothing else we could have done, now it's time to move on," said Lily knowing James wouldn't have told his mother all the awful things she had said.

"But surely…."

"We tried everything we could think of to make it work but our relationship just wasn't strong enough," said Lily, "Both of you should get back and Gloria give the poor girl a chance she obviously makes him happy," then she walked away.

"You should have told me," was all Gloria said to James before making her way back over to their table.

_'Our relationship wasn't strong enough…before the miscarriage we were strong we could have gotten through anything if only Lily let me in. Or maybe I really did kill our baby… I should have been home that night, Lily should never have had to get on those ladders, if only I had been there… we'd have a 6 month old baby, we'd be a family me Lily and our baby'_

James turned to go back to the table but before he could take a step, he heard screams when he turned he saw dozens of deatheaters swarming the place. James pulled out his wand and started shooting stunning spells at the deatheaters.

Through all the chaos James saw something that made his blood run cold, Lily falling to ground after being hit by a green light……


	4. Chapter 4

_LAST CHAPTER _

_Through all the chaos James saw something that made his blood run cold, Lily falling to ground after being hit by a green light……_

**Chapter 4**

James without thinking ran straight towards Lily not looking to see if any deatheaters were targeting him, he just had to see if Lily was dead or not.

He dropped to his knees next to her lifeless body, he propped her head on his knees and he checked for a pulse. It was there she was alive, although barely.

"Lily, sweetheart can you hear me?" James shouted frantically trying to wake her up, "Lily please wake up, don't you dare die," he was almost in tears when there was no response from Lily she wasn't even breathing.

"James let me, I know mouth to mouth," said Sirius who had suddenly appeared.

"Okay, okay, just hurry she's not breathing," said James.

"Okay, calm down she's a fighter," said Sirius worried by the state James was in and Lily as well.

"HURRY, she can't have long," James shouted.

Sirius didn't say another word he just started to resuscitate Lily, it took almost 5 minutes for him to get her to breath on her own, and by then most of the deatheaters had ran away because the Aurors had turned up and easily out numbered the deatheaters.

"James thank goodness you just disappeared," said Gloria rushing over.

"Sorry I just…" said James quickly wiping the tears he hadn't even realised were rolling down his cheek.

"Oh my god, is she…" gasped Gloria when she saw Lily.

"She's alive but we have to get her to St. Mungos," said Sirius seriously.

"I'll take her," said James straightaway then he remembered, "I mean I'm still her next of kin, they'll need me anyway"

"Lauren is fine by the way," said Gloria dryly.

'Shit that should have been the first thing I asked…But Lily needs me more' 

"Good," said James not sure what else he could say, "I'll take her there now," then he picked Lily up and apparated to the hospital.

"Why can't he see it?" asked Sirius when James and Lily disappeared.

"I know, that Lauren girl is just a rebound thing but he proposed," said Gloria.

"He still loves Lily, I know he does I've never seen him in the state he was when he thought she was dead"

"He didn't even ask about Lauren," commented Gloria.

"He's got to realize on his own that he and Lily belong together, he won't listen to us if we keep nagging him"

"I know but…"

"I know it's not easy but what can we do? I should go to the hospital and see how she is," said Sirius.

"I'll stop by later"

---------------------------

A few hours later Sirius left the hospital, James was sitting at the side of Lily's bed, she was still unconscious. James was holding her hand, he still couldn't get over the fear and panic he felt when he thought she was dead. It was as if, he might as well have been lying there with her and it scared the hell out of him, how strongly he still felt for her, that he didn't feel he could carry on living if she was dead.

"You scared me," he whispered to her, "I thought you were really dead. I couldn't have coped if you were dead because…. You better just promise me you won't die before me"

"I'll do my best," Lily said weakly coming round.

"Lily you're awake," said James dropping her hand.

"Just about," she said her voice still weak, "What happened?"

"Don't you remember the coffee shop, my mother, deatheaters swarming the place?"

"Uh yeah sorta," said Lily trying to shift herself into a sitting position but she was still in pain.

"Here let me help you," said James wrapping one of arms round her waist and the other round her shoulders and gently sat her up.

"Thanks," said Lily

"I uh better go and tell mum and everyone that you're awake they've all been worried about you," said James before practically running from the room.

'_I love him, I love him so much. His arms they're still the same, they still feel so safe… the attack scared me but just seeing him made me feel so much better. Then he runs almost as soon as he touches me, he hates me for all the things I said to him… why was I so stupid and so blind that I couldn't see how much I need him…'_ Lily turned onto her side and cried, grieved for the loss of James' love, _'he'll never look at me like he used to… someone else gets him now I hope she knows how lucky she is because walking out on him was the biggest mistake I've ever made and I'll spend the rest of my life regretting it'_

_--------------------------------------------------_

James went into the reception and he was going to floo everyone and tell them that Lily was going to be alright but he couldn't get what had just happened out of his head.

_'Having my arms around her, was just like old times, her body still feels the same, she's changed her perfume but she still has that special scent that is uniquely her. She just seems so fragile and scared, my instinct is to just hold her and make feel better, to protect her from everything that could harm her, but I can't she has moved on she wanted my mum to get on with Lauren, she doesn't care, she meant what she said when she left…she couldn't love me ever again'_


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5 

"How are you feeling?" James asked Lily, she had discharged herself from the hospital a few hours ago, so that they could sign the divorce papers.

"I'm okay, I guess," said Lily slightly weakly.

"Are you sure, if you're not up to it…"

"I'm fine," Lily insisted, "anyway you're getting married, you sort of need me to be able to do this"

"Yeah, but you almost died…"

"Almost being the operative word," said Lily, "Trust me I'm okay"

"Are you sure?"

"I can sign my name to a few pieces of paper," said Lily.

'A few pieces of paper, that's all it is to her. It's not just a few bits of paper, it is the end of our marriage. After all the years I chased her at school and all the years we spent together, all the love I had for her, and it all ends with a few scraps of paper'

"We're ready for you," said a court clerk

"Okay," said Lily, "Is it weird going in with your soon to be ex husband?"

"Not at all, I'd be happy to escort you Mrs. Potter," said James charmingly then he realised he had called her Mrs. Potter.

"Don't you mean Ms. Evans?" said Lily looking at the ground.

"Uh yeah sorry old habit," said James.

'Great she was just starting to act like herself around me and I have to go and say that, now she won't look at me again'

"Honey, am I too late," said Lauren running down the corridor towards Lily and James.

"Lauren, what are you doing here?" said James

"I thought we could have lunch after… you know make sure you're officially mine," said Lauren.

"Oh…" said James completely shocked.

"Hi, you must be Lauren," said Lily pleasantly.

"Yes and you must be the ex wife," said Lauren.

"I will be in a few minutes," said Lily then she turned to go into the courtroom, "You coming?"

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"Well that's it, I guess," said Lily, coming out of the courtroom.

"Yeah," said James, he was definitely feeling weird.

"So I should be going," said Lily.

"Are you… I mean are you going back to…" started James then he realised he didn't know where she had been when they were separated.

"I was in Scotland, and yeah I guess I might go back in a few weeks," said Lily.

"Oh okay, keep in touch Lily," said James and he really meant it. Seeing Lily again just made him realize how much he had missed her.

"Yeah, you too," said Lily knowing that once he and Lauren were married he couldn't keep in touch with her.

"James, we have reservations," said Lauren

"Oh right okay," said James annoyed that she had interrupted, "Take care Lily"

"You too," said Lily then she apparated.

All through lunch with Lauren, James couldn't help but think of Lily and how he felt as though a part of him was missing now that they were divorced. If she died he wouldn't be notified it would be her parents or her husband when she remarried, would anyone even think to call him and let him know, she could die at anytime and he wouldn't know.

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"Lily, hi," said James in the leaky cauldron 9 weeks 5 days later. 2 days before his wedding to Lauren.

"Oh hi James," said Lily

"How are you? I thought you'd have gone back to Scotland," said James.

"Uh no not yet, I'm going back in a few days," said Lily she had decided to stay until after James' wedding so that she couldn't just block it out and pretend it wasn't happening.

"Oh right, you look good," said James before he could stop himself.

"Thanks so do you," said Lily, "I was actually hoping to talk to you before I left"

"Yeah, what about?"

"The stuff I said when I left," said Lily uncertainly.

"Lils," sighed James sitting down next to her, "I am so sorry about all that and if I could go back and…"

"I wanted to apologise, the things I said were unforgivable, and although I thought I meant them at the time, I know now it was just my way of coping," said Lily.

"You don't have to apologise, you must have been going through so much," said James.

"I was but you were too, it was your baby as well"

"Yeah it was, you were carrying it"

"Still"

"You did have a point if I had just come home when I was supposed to you wouldn't have… it wouldn't have happened"

"I didn't have to get on those ladders, if anything you should blame me"

"I couldn't do that I remember how you were when we lost that baby and how happy we were when we found out, I couldn't ever blame you"

"I shouldn't have blamed you, it was just one of those things we can't prevent and I just wanted to apologise before I left in case I never got the chance to do it again," said Lily.

'She means I might never see her ever again' 

"It's all forgotten," said James, "don't worry about it, you've got a fresh start don't take any of these feelings with you"

"You're right," said Lily, "thank you for being so understanding"

"No problem," said James warmly.

"I guess I should go I'm supposed to meet Alice in two minutes," said Lily.

"Oh okay," said James, "But before you go"

"Yeah"

"Would it be too weird for me to invite you to…"

"Yes it would," interrupted Lily, "but thanks anyway"

"Okay, good luck"

"Thanks you too," said Lily then she stood up and left.

James waited a few minutes then he made his way into Diagon Alley and into Flourish and Blotts, then he heard Lily talking to Alice behind the row of books in front of him.

"I really have to let him go now don't I?" he heard Lily say.

"You probably already have, it's just the divorce was so fast and he's getting married so soon. You'll be fine in the morning," Alice reassured her.

"I won't he's getting married in two days how will I ever be fine. Some other woman gets my husband, it's not fair," said Lily sounding as though she was in tears.

"Your ex husband, Lils. It's only natural to still feel something for him, you two were together a long time, you'll always love him in a certain way"

"I do love him, but as my husband not my ex husband, I wish I'd never left him, I want him back"

"Lils…"

"I know, I know I have to get as far away from them as possible but after the wedding if I go now I'll block it out and pretend it's not happening then I'll never be able to let go," said Lily.

"I'm sorry"

"It's alright it's my fault, I left"

James just stood there shocked, he hadn't thought for one second that Lily still had feelings for him, she was damn good at hiding them. He had wanted to hear that she still loved him for so long, although he hadn't admitted it to anyone, not even Sirius, he actually thought about killing himself when Lily told him, he had murdered their baby and she could never love him again. Now that he had finally heard it, he couldn't do anything about it. Did he even want to after everything that had happened? He couldn't do that to Lauren anyway, she hadn't done anything wrong. But should he marry someone when he wasn't over his wife oops ex wife?


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

"I can't believe this is actually happening, you're actually marrying _her_," said Sirius, he and James were inside the Potter mansion, James and Lauren's wedding was being held in the huge garden. James and Sirius were waiting to be called.

"Yeah, I'm getting married," said James slightly dazed.

"How do you feel?" Sirius asked, knowing exactly how he felt before he married Lily. He had been a wreck, convinced she had come to her senses and would leave him at the altar, and then how excited he was to finally be marrying her.

"I'm fine," said James

"You sure?"

"Yeah it's weird I was a mess last time, but I'm fine now. I guess it's just easier the second time," said James.

"Yeah, especially when you don't love the woman you're marrying," said Sirius.

"What the hell? Of course I love Lil… Lauren," said James angrily.

"Yeah I know you love Lily, that's why I can't understand why you've let things get this far."

"I love Lauren, I'm marrying Lauren and that's that, just because you don't like her… why the hell did you agree to be my best man?"

"Because I'm your best mate, and you know I'll support you no matter what but I think your making a mistake"

"I'm not so just drop it, Lily and I are over, finished. I'm marrying Lauren"

"So I guess you won't care that Lily is leaving today, and according to her she's not coming back," said Sirius almost casually.

"What? When did you talk to her? Where is she going?" said James forcefully.

"I spoke to her yesterday and I don't know where she's planning to go but it's not back to Scotland, but she was very clear that she would never set foot in England again," said Sirius slightly stretching the truth.

"What? Why? Isn't she even going to say goodbye," said James sadly, he didn't want Lily to leave again, anything could happen to her and he might never find out. At least if she was in the country he might hear something or read in the paper. He didn't know why he kept focusing on this, but it scared the hell out of him that she could be killed in the war and he couldn't protect her and wouldn't even be notified or be able to say goodbye.

"Don't think so, she said she said everything she had to when she saw you in the Leaky Cauldron and she doesn't see any reason to stick around, so I guess she's just going to slip off," said Sirius.

"James, Sirius we're ready for you," said Mr. Potter.

"Right okay, we're coming dad," said James, "We'll talk about this later," he added to Sirius.

"No we won't you'll be busy with your wife," said Sirius.

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James was standing at the altar waiting for Lauren to come out. Sirius' words were haunting him, _'your wife' 'your wife'_. He was going to have a wife that wasn't Lily. But back in the house it had been natural for him to almost say that he loved Lily, Lauren just didn't sound right. _'this is my wife Lauren'_ It just sounded weird, he'd just have to get used to it, he wasn't marrying her for her name.

Just then he looked up and over at the fields next to the garden and standing on the other side of the fence was Lily. And she looked really gorgeous, her hair was down and she was wearing a light pink summer dress.

She was looking straight at him, she gave him a small smile and then waved. He discreetly waved back. Then Lily smiled sadly and turned and started to walk away in the opposite direction.

James didn't know what made him do it, whether it was just seeing her, or seeing her walking away for the final time when he knew she loved him. James didn't say anything he just sprinted up the aisle, across the garden and over the fence into the field.

"LILY, LILY WAIT," he shouted running to catch up.

Lily turned round and saw him running towards her, "James what are you doing?"

"Stop," was all he said grabbing her wrist.

"I've stopped, what's going on," she said then she heard the uproar of the wedding, "What did you just do?"

"I had to come and see you," he panted.

"Why, I thought we said everything. We could both move on, it's your wedding day"

"Why did you come?"

Lily looked down at the ground, she had known it was a bad idea but she just had to see him one last time. "I wanted to see you before I left, just see you not…"

"I heard you talking to Alice the other day in Florish and Blotts," James blurted out.

"Oh… um I don't know how to…"

"I love you," said James finally saying it aloud.

"James… it's your wedding day," sighed Lily sadly.

"I know… I know I shouldn't have waited but I love you I do, I've never stopped loving you I was just too afraid to admit it"

"James it's just pre wedding nerves everyone gets them, me being here just…"

"I never had nerves when I married you, my only concern was that you'd come to your senses and leave me, I never had any doubts that I wanted to marry you"

"James…"

"Look at me, come on look at me and tell me you don't love me too," said James.

"I can't but…"

"No buts I love you and…"

"Lauren remember James," said Lily.

"I know, I'll …. Can you do me favour?"

"Depends what is it?" said Lily.

"Go to Sirius' flat and wait for me. I have to go back, I can't leave things like that, but…"

"Okay," said Lily.

"Right it's…"

"I know where it is," said Lily.

"Thank you," said James, "I love you but I have to go" then he dashed off.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

"What's taking him so long," said Sirius for the fiftieth time, as he paced his living room.

"Calm down, he'll be here once he's sorted everything out," said Lily calmly.

"How can you be so calm? He left her… okay he went back but… you two are getting back together. HOW CAN YOU BE SO CALM," said Sirius manically.

"You're becoming hysterical," said Lily.

"Why aren't you excited don't you want him back?"

"Of course I do, but…"

"But what? You two will get back together and have lots of little babies and I'll be the godfather and teach them all the Marauder ways and then how to talk to the ladeez"

"If anyone will be teaching our children the Marauder ways it will be me," said James suddenly appearing from outside.

"Prongs you're back, See I told you he wouldn't be long," said Sirius.

"Yeah, uh Padfoot would you mind staying at my place tonight I need to talk to Lily, don't worry Lauren is staying at her parents," said James.

Lily stared at the floor, _'they were living together'_

"Fine, but call me in the morning," said Sirius unhappy about missing anything, then he apparated.

"Hi," said Lily unsure of what to say.

"Hey… so?" said James.

"So…."

"I spoke to Lauren, we uh I called off the wedding, sent everyone home,"

"That must have been awkward"

"Yeah, how was I meant to tell my fiancée that I was still in love with my wife?"

"Ex wife," Lily muttered.

"She threw a chair at me"

"You got let off easy then if it was me I'd have hexed you out the window of the 7th floor,"

"Yeah you would have," said James laughing softly, "So what do we do now?"

"I don't know, you just called off your wedding and I just don't know"

"I love you, I want you to know that. I love you so much, with all my heart, with every fiber of my being…"

"You're starting to sound more than a little slushy," teased Lily.

"Do you mind, I'm trying to express some emotion?"

"Sorry, continue"

"I just love you, God I'm so stupid I couldn't even admit it until I heard you…"

"So that's it, you don't love me you feel obligated to still love me because I still love you. You…"

"Stop it Lily just stop it, you should know I wouldn't say it if I didn't…" started James angrily.

"I know, I know I'm sorry this is just a little hard to take in"

"Yeah okay I guess it is. It's just so damn confusing, I can't even think what I want to say…" said James.

"Then don't say anything,"

"huh"

"James close your mouth that is very unattractive. I just meant we should take some time and think before we say anymore," said Lily.

"Okay, but stay here," said James sitting down next to Lily.

"Okay," said Lily scooting closer to James.

They sat there in silence for almost half an hour before James finally broke the silence.

"I want you back, you do know that… I mean I did imply that didn't I?" he rambled.

"No you didn't," said Lily.

"I do I want you to be my wife again," said James grabbing Lily's hand, "I want to wake up with you every morning and have dinner with you and… I want it to be like it was before"

"You know it can't ever go back to how it was"

"No I guess not," James mumbled

"We can try though, we can try to make our marriage work again. Because before everything happened we were happy and I do love you, I love you so much I was so miserable this past year without you, I don't want to be like that again," said Lily close to tears.

"Shhhh it's alright don't cry," said James softly, putting his arm around Lily's shoulders.

"I was scared in the hospital and you helped me up and…. then… I was terrified I thought they were aiming for me and they would come back and…"

"And I just left you all alone, I'm sorry," said James.

"It's alright, you putting your arm round me again just reminded me… I didn't mean to say all that…I'm sorry," said Lily drying her eyes.

"It's okay, you don't have to apologise, you have nothing to apologise for. I should have been there to protect you" said James.

"Look at me I'm pathetic. I'm one of those women, who cry and want to be protected by a man, I can look after myself," said Lily pulling away and wiping her tears.

"I know you can, but I like being there to comfort you. You're not pathetic, you've been through a lot. I hate knowing I left you alone when you're were scared I wanted to stay with you but I'm such a coward I couldn't face it and I ran," said James his voice cracking.

Lily looked up and was surprised to see James fighting back tears himself.

"James, don't worry about it. I know it was a random evil attack I wasn't a target I was just scared, I didn't know the attacks were like that now"

"Yeah they're terrible now, gotten so much worse in the past 6 months"

"Hmmmm"

"I love you," said James wanting to say it as much as possible.

"Love you too"

"What were you going to do today?" he asked.

"What do you mean?"

"If I hadn't come after you"

"I would have kept walking," said Lily then she reached down into her bag and pulled out a plane ticket and handed it to James.

"France, you would have gone to France"

"Yeah"

"You're better than me then, if it was you about to marry another guy I couldn't have walked away"

"You could have," said Lily.

"No I couldn't, not knowing that someone else was…"

"You made your decision, I thought it would make you happy and I love you enough to let you be happy even if I'm not the one to make you happy. It wasn't easy, walking away after I had saw you, it was the hardest steps I've ever had to take. But I would have done it for you"

"You are the woman I want, the only one that will make me happy. I would just compare every other woman to you and trust me they would never be as perfect as you"

"We both know I'm a deeply flawed person"

"Yeah, but you're perfect for me"


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

"What did they say before you left?" Remus whispered to Sirius the next morning after they had snuck into Sirius' flat to see what had happened between James and Lily.

"Nothing really… James sent me away before they said anything. Ugh I bet they had sex in my bed… I'm going to have to change the bed sheets" said Sirius.

"As long as they are back together," said Remus, "Where do we look first?"

"The living room, that way they'll hear us and have time to make sure they aren't exposed"

"Padfoot that is a surprisingly intelligent idea," said Remus.

"Why thank you Moony," said Sirius then he pushed the living room door open.

They immediately saw James and Lily lying together on the couch, they hadn't moved, in fact they were both still wearing the clothes they had the day before. Lily was still asleep. James was awake and had one arm wrapped round her waist, the other one was gently pushing hair out of her face. He was just staring down at her, as she slept, with an adoring expression on his face. He finally had the most precious thing in his life back.

"Prongs," whispered Sirius

"Shhh," James whispered back indicating to the sleeping Lily.

Sirius and Remus nodded, then the three of them were silent.

"Are you three weirdo's just going to stare at me sleep or are one of you going to be useful and make some coffee?" mumbled Lily.

James started to move, "Not you," said Lily who still hadn't opened her eyes, "Remus you can make a good cup of coffee, make mine strong"

"Right okay. Padfoot where do you keep your coffee?" said Remus.

"You know where I keep them," said Sirius then Remus shoved his elbow into his ribs.

"Oh right, I'll show you," said Sirius and then Remus practically dragged him from the room.

"Morning," said James softly.

"Morning," said Lily opening her eyes and sitting up, "what time is it?"

"Nine thirty," said James.

"I have to call the hospital," said Lily.

"Why?"

"To stop my transfer to France going through, or do you still want me to go?"

"I never wanted you to go in the first place, but yeah get in touch with them ASAP, I can't have you disappearing again"

"It should be alright, the transfer wasn't due to go through till next week. But I will need to see the landlord about keeping my flat"

"How can you be so practical when you've just woken up?"

"I just can"

"You okay about everything?" asked James.

"I feel awful… I can't even begin to imagine how Lauren must be this morning"

"I know, but that's because of me, I have to feel guilty about that for doing that to her. You don't have anything to feel awful about"

"I showed up at her wedding uninvited and stole the groom. I can't exactly feel good about that can I?"

"I suppose not"

"I mean you would have probably gone through with it, if I had just stayed away and you would be on your honeymoon right now"

"Are you regretting it?"

"No"

"So… what?"

"Nothing I'm just torturing myself because I know I'm responsible… although I know if I had to it'd do it again"

"Don't feel too guilty I don't think I could have gone through with it anyway, you made it less painful for her…"

"How do you figure that one out?"

"Well if I hadn't saw you I'd have put off calling the wedding off until the vows"

"I don't think you could have been that cruel"

"You underestimate what I would do for you"

"Here we go," said Sirius coming back into the room with the coffee.

"Thank you," said Lily taking her cup.

--------------------------

"So what did you two get up to last night?" teased Sirius

"We just talked," said James.

"Sure, because that was all you did when you were married _talk_," said Sirius.

"Well I'll let you boys, do whatever it is you do, I have to go home and change," said Lily washing her cup in the sink and leaving it to dry.

"Okay, I'll see you later though," said James.

"Yeah, okay," said Lily.

"1pm Leaky Cauldron," he said.

"Sure I'll see you then," said Lily feeling awkward, she hadn't actually kissed James but she should say goodbye properly, so she decided to play it safe and gave him a peck on the cheek.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Lily apparated to the Leaky Cauldron to meet James, she immediately noticed that people were whispering and pointing towards her and the person at the table in the left corner, James.

"Do you ever get the feeling you're being stared at?" said Lily as she went over to James.

"Yeah," said James, "I think the cat is out of the bag"

"Seriously what is it they're watching we're just talking," said Lily looking round, as the entire bar quickly averted their gaze to pretend they weren't staring at the couple.

"We should put on a show for them then," grinned James then he leaned forward stroked Lily's cheek and gently kissed her.

Lily quickly got over her initial surprise and kissed him back, placing her hands on either side of his head and deepening the kiss. This was met by gasps from the entire bar.

"Hmmm," was all Lily said when they pulled away.

"Come on I'm starting to feel like a…. goldfish in you know them Goldfish plates," said James.

"Bowl, James a goldfish bowl," giggled Lily, "But I agree, lets get out of here."

"Alright come on then," said James grabbing her hand and taking her to the apparation point.

"I got my flat back, we could go there," suggested Lily.

"Sounds good, show me the way," said James then Lily grabbed his hand and apparated them to her flat.

"God that was awful, how do all those people know what happened yesterday?" said Lily collapsing onto her sofa.

"Why don't you have any anti apparation charms anyone could just wander in and out of here?" said James in amazement.

"Dunno, I just haven't," shrugged Lily.

"It's not safe, you need some sort of protection," insisted James.

"I have you"

"Still…"

"James, stop being an Auror"

"Sorry can't help it," said James sitting down next to Lily.

"So…." said Lily swiveling round to face James tucking her legs under her.

James took Lily's left hand in his and ran his index finger over her ring finger and sighed loudly.

"This isn't right," he said then he pressed a kiss to it.

"James although you're being sweet, you're also being cryptic. What isn't right, the fact that I don't have my ring on my finger or what we're doing?"

"That you don't have your ring on, of course"

"Oh right. Well we are legally divorced now"

"Do you want it to stay that way?"

"What do you think?" said Lily

"Honestly Lil, I don't know. I… you've put up your walls again and I'm having trouble getting past them. Talk to me"

"I haven't"

"Yeah you have, please don't pull away from me sweetheart. If you really want this to work out this time then…"

"I do, I'm sorry I really do want us to… I'm just…"

"I know, I hurt you with Lauren and everything, but please just let me in because if you don't then we…"

"I know we can't try to make our marriage work"

"Exactly," said James.

"I don't want us to stay divorced, I want my husband back"

"Thank god," said James pulling Lily to him and pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"I'm sorry, I really am it's just those people in the Leaky Cauldron they all think…"

"I don't care what they think, I only care about us"

"Sorry"

"What are we going to do Lils?"

"I dunno, get remarried and a good therapist"

"Therapist?" said James.

"Marriage Counselor whatever, after all the stuff we've been through don't you think we need one?"

"I guess, but we are going to be remarried. I'll call the planners"

"No we don't need a big wedding, we already had one lets just do this quickly. We don't need a huge celebration, just having you back is enough," said Lily snuggling into James.

"I love you"

"Love you too"


End file.
